Thursday, October 4 ♥
l♥ved, ...
had a really bad dream this morning. I dreamt that I met my most recent ex with another girl. I know this may sound very self-centered but I was hoping that he might take a bit longer to get over me, i thought in my dream. His new girlfriend has very tann skin colour and long wavy dry hair. Also, she wears like teva slippers with shorts.. she's the exact opposite of me, the sporty kind who doesn't give any shit to their skin. In my dream, i was a bit pissed with him picking someone who's not better than me and i told him something like 'at least pick someone better than ME!' while throwing fists at him.
I remember feeling this strange emotion, its like i'm drowning and i'm fighting something invisible to stay a float. U know, like u're very angry u don't know how to vent your anger but smash things? Anyway, after shouting at him, he replied something like 'at least she won't break up with ME!'... then i was speechless. Then that new girlfriend was giving me dirty looks... i felt so sienna miller (remember that time she fought with some other girl over Jude Law?). After that, i left that place and saw my other ex with his girlfriend. I remember seeing them smooching at the escalator at heeren once and it destroyed me (in reality many years ago), and the similar scene happened in the dream as well. Then i started walking on my own on this roof of a building, i was trying to cry but no tears came out. I was so sad i woke up at 7am. I woke up and cried... i wanted to tell someone but i was think who? How can i ever explain everything? After sobbing for like 3mins, i thought i haven't actually mourn for the break up at all. I became busy and i forgot... and when the sadness hit me this morning, i was so depressed. I wanted to go out shopping and spend all my money, i wanted to eat all the chocolates in the world to feel better, i wanted someone to hug me and tell me when i see him with someone else in his arms where i used to belong i'll be alright.
I no longer love him like before but i think he took away some parts of me when we broke up. But still, i really hope he won't date someone like that girl in my dream.... she has really dry hair, bad skin and TEVA SLIPPERS... u only wear that to climb mountains can...
*******************
I think love speaks and international language but marriage doesn't
Well I made this conclusion because i got lectured for about 45mins! On marriage, being a mother, having kids.... female responsibility shit! 40 bloody 5 mins on life choices. And judging from my friends' voices, i'm doomed to be a bad mother and wife.. and a disgrace to all female species! All i said was i don't see my future with kids, and my ideal family doesn't have to have kids (ok, that wouldn't be a family family). That provoked them and it became worse when i said i would get married btwn 30-35 ideally. They were all like 'what about kids ?' and 'it'll be dangerous!' and 'you only just want 1 child?'.... I felt like i was in the wrong tribe and they were ready to burn me alive so i can get judged in hell by the lord of babies or smthg.
Then it went on to all the 'should-s' in a woman's life. Like being a good daughter than be a good girlfriend then a good wife then a good mother then a good grandmother. I wanted to ask what happened to the 'should-s' in a man's life, but i guess it might add to their vigor in lecturing me, so i didn't mention it. I was totally trapped in the conversation and none of the guys at the round table would marry me.
Then at the end of the lecture, i had to say something to show them that their lecture got into me and i've reflected. SO i said 'if i meet a man i wanna have babies with, i'll make'em. ' That made them shut up because seriously, what else do u want me to say? Saggy vaginas and boobs that touch your shoes?